a little bit of denial goes a long way

I'm freaking out a little bit.

Well, I am actually not freaking out, but pushing the panic that feels like it is about to overtake my brain and cause my chest to explode to the very, very, very back of my mind. I am sure that can't be healthy, but right now I am trying to decompress from the fabulous yet panic-provoking news I received on Friday.

On Friday, I had a conversation with my mentor about returning to Australia to continue the research we started there a few months ago. She told me she reserved the ticket for me to leave on the 17th of November, the day after the conference I am attending in D.C. concludes.

That's fine, no panic about that.

She then tells me that she could not get an open-ended ticket (we were not sure if I would stay there through the beginning of the next project in Febuary), since it woul cost like $7000.

Still no panic, and not surprised. I am sure the Australian Immigration Board would have some raised eyebrows about me putting ? on the expected length of stay part of the port of entry form.

She had to pick an arbitrary date for my return to the U.S., and then we could call and change the date if deemed necessary. The arbitrary date she picked?

MAY 17TH

Or maybe it was May 7th, I don't remember. All I heard was May and my world kind of blinked out for a second. The end of November through May? That's a little over SIX MONTHS! How can I leave my life for that long? I am going to miss my family and friends!!! What should I do about my apartment? My health insurance? my car? my bills? my fish? My driver's license is going to expire, and so will my lease, and what if my fish dies? PANIC!!!!!

Actually, the feeling is more like a "fear of commitment" vibe. You know, the feeling you get when you are about to embark upon something that could be spectacular and make you gloriously happy for the rest of your life, but in order to take part in that ecstatic adventure you have to step outside of your comfort zone and let go of a part of your lifestyle that you may not be ready to leave behind? Yeah, that's the feeling I have about this great opportunity.

Tomorrow I will start making the list of the things I need to take care of before I can leave for such a potentially extended period of time. And all I can do between now and then is breathe.