On how I almost killed a dog, TWICE

So this weekend, along with random drunkeness I have been dog-sitting. And, the dog has managed to put me in a panic about it dying on my watch two times in the first 12 hours we were together.

Incident #1: Our first walk.
Before going out Friday evening, I took the dog for a walk. He was running and jumping and explorig the tall grass where he goes to do his business, when he jumps up, and looks at me like he has found something that would potentially kill him and can't wait to see how I react to what he has in his mouth this very moment.

Oh, shit, I think, the dog has a dead mouse or hamster in its mouth and I am going to have to wrestle it away from him! Ick!

I get the pup to me and try yelling for him to drop whatever he has in his mouth. The dog does not know how to speak English yet, so he doesn't give a damn whatever command I try to tell him to get him to drop it. So I grab at the disgusting thing he has in his mouth, and I realize that it is not a dead rodent, but a PIECE OF FRIED CHICKEN!

Some dickhead threw an entire piece of fried chicken (a breast piece) out into the world. Who does that?

So now I am panicking and desparately trying to get the piece of battered and fried chicken treat filled with deadly chicken bones from the dog's mouth. Oh my God, the dog is going to die and I have only been watching it for like 2 hours! Ack!

I don't like wrestling food from animals, but I worked through the fear of the dog killing me to keep his precious KFC, and got the thing away from him. Whew!

Incident #2: The morning after
The next morning, when I was hanging out with the dog, I left the room for a second. And when I returned, I noticed that the half of a chocolate bar (wrapped in its wrapper) that I had left on a TV tray next to the easy chair had vanished, and part of the wrapper was on the floor.

Augh! I thought,why is the dog climbing onto the furniture to get to the TV tray and taking a chocolate bar! Chocolate! The dog wants to die! Augh!!

The dog and I played a fun (to him) game of me chasing him around the dining room table to get the damn chocolate bar out of his mouth. Luckily, he dropped the bar after the first go around the room, and it was still wrapped up in the rest of the wrapper. So, no dogs had to die to make this post possible. Thank goodness!

Now our walks basically consist of me telling him to stop trying to eat everything (i.e. slim jim wrappers, gum, fast food bags, jeez the people on this street are litterbugs!) and him not listening to me.

Luckily there's only one walk left. Hopefully no one throws away any socks full of nails and drill bits or broken glass between now and then. I can't stand litterbugs!!!