feeling the fear and doing it anyway

Today I took a trapeze lesson.

Yep, that's right, a trapeze lesson.

I've wanted to try it for some time and when I found out that the city of Melbourne had a set up for a free lesson as part of its Summer Fun in the City promotion, I booked a spot in one of the lessons. I was so excited!

I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

I arrived a little early to check out the set up and see a performance that was right before my lesson.

It was a neat setup in a little park in a very public thoroughfare of the city*:



As I watched the performers do some pretty cool swinging and flipping and catching, I became more and more aware of how high that trapeze was, and how I really didn't know if I could do this. Especially in front of the crowds of people gathered to watch the show.



When the time came I stepped up to the desk, and as I read the disclaimer I had to sign acknowledging that I was aware that I could DIE doing this, I asked, "It's safe as houses, right?"

"Safe as houses." They said.

I lined up with the rest of my lesson-mates, and first we learned how to jump up, grab the bar, and swing our legs up onto the bar so we were hanging by our knees, which I failed to do.

"Don't worry, when you get up there you will have more momentum and you'll have a better chance of getting it," they said to me and the others who also couldn't quite flip themselves up onto the bar.

We sat in a line of chairs, waiting our turns to go up to the board and have our first swing.

About halfway up the ladder on this breezy Melbourne day, I had serious, serious doubts.

"I don't think I can do this," I said down to the guy at the bottom of the ladder.

"Go on up," he said.

After some deep breaths I continued up the ladder, and when I got to the top...

I froze.

I started to panic.

I really did not want to do this.

The guys at the top held me tight and helped me touch the bar with one hand, but I couldn't let go of my other hand, put it on the bar, and swing.

I knew that logically it was the easiest way down, and there were safety lines and a net and there was no way these guys were going to let me get hurt, but I was scared out of my mind. My heart was racing.

I cried.

And the crowd was still there, enraptured by the drama unfolding above them.

I had visions of my picture in the paper with the headline "CHUBBY AMERICAN GIRL CHICKENS OUT ON TRAPEZE"

I knew I had to do it, but still... we were really fucking high up.

After what seemed like an eternity of encouragement and reassurance from the instructors. Even though the tears were still coming, I managed to grab the bar with both hands.

And slide my feet off of the board.

And I swung!

The crowd went crazy with applause. I was touched, and incredibly embarrassed. When I hit the net, I couldn't stop shaking, and then my tears were from joy and relief.

I did it!!!

I went up 2 more times, with the instructors helping me immensely both times (these guys were amazing, patient teachers, I couldn't thank them enough). I never got my legs over the bar, but at least I tried.

At the end of the day I just have a bit of stiff shoulders, probably mostly from the tension, and my hands are a bit worn from holding on to the bar for dear life.

It's funny how fear can sneak up on you sometimes and just stop you in your tracks. I still can't believe I did it, but I sure am glad I did.

The company is in town for a few more months doing paid, less public lessons. I may sign up so I can start to grab the bar on my own and eventually be able to swing my legs up on the bar.


* That's not me in the picture, in case you were wondering