getting on top of things

It has certainly been a trying time getting all of my stuff packed up in PA and then moving across the country to hamsterdad's house.

I haven't lived with hamsterdad for about 20 or so years. My parents got divorced when I was about 9 or 10. There was the usual divorce drama (dad was sleeping with my friend's mom, and knocked her up, it was quite a soap opera). In the end, hamsterdad wanted joint custody, he wanted to be a part of my life, which is a great thing, considering other people are not so lucky.

So, the plan was that I would spend night's with hamsterdad (my mom worked the graveyard shift), and then days at Mom's and weekends were split or something, I don't remember it much since it did not last terribly long. Turns out stepmom was not happy at all with the arrangement, she was mean to me and constantly yelling at my dad about the living arrangement. After one particularly traumatic morning where stepmom yelled "you are not her babysitter!!!" to my dad, I had enough. On the way to school, I told my dad never to bring me back to that house again. He asked why, and I told him "Because she treats me like shit and you don't do anything about it".

It was the first time I had ever sworn in front of my dad. I was 10 years old.

And I never set foot in the house again until a couple of years ago when I came to visit Vegas on vacation and I couldn't stay at my friend's house that week.

Now that I am an adult, I can look at the situation from a different perspective. I now understand how difficult it is when relationships end and how hard it is to build new ones. I can see that stepmom had her own issues with her divorce and the fact that her ex basically disappeared from his daughter's (my stepsister's) life was not fair to anyone. I have alot of sympathy for her at that time, and I can understand that she was in alot of pain.

But that doesn't make her behavior acceptable. I did not cause any of the drama in her life, and it was not appropriate for her to take out her frustrations on me. Nor was it appropriate for my dad to sit idly by and let the emotional abuse occur.

20 years is a long time, and in that time I worked through the issues that were born from that time in my life, and I feel that I have forgiven both my stepmother and my father, and also have forgiven myself. Nobody is perfect, and I have grown and changed and learned, and so I felt that I could move into my dad's house temporarily no problem.

Unfortunately, stepmom and halfsister appear to see it differently. I have repeatedly tried to put a forward a friendly face and lend a hand, etc, but have received essentially nothing in return. Things are not quite hostile, but they are no where near civil. Today, I said good morning to stepmom, and she started talking to her dog, not even an acknowledgement. I just don't understand it.

All I can do is keep on truckin' and being friendly, and perhaps eventually they will loosen up. If not, at least I know I only have to put up with it for several more weeks, and I can escape to friends' places.

There is a bright side: Larry the Cat is quite affectionate and appears to love having me here. He especially seems to love me most when I start trying to work on my computer on the couch. And he leaves tons of cat hair on me to make sure I know how much he cares all day long.

Today I am getting a storage unit, since there is not enough room in my tiny room and the cluttered garage for all of my stuff, and I won't be taking all the stuff I brought here with me to Belgium. Not having to step over boxes to get around my room will make me feel much more comfortable.